whatever you call it

How your Dad figured out Women, or

Sex is Beautiful, or

How to Make Mistakes and Rarely Learn from them, or

A Case Study in Avoidance Behaviors, or

How I Really Met Your Mother (the non sitcom version), or

The Guide to Saying YES!, or

The Diary of a Nice Guy, or

Your Dad’s Diary

Sh*t your Dad Did

The Nice Guy Transformation

From Nice to Bad to Nice

By Nick Black

This book is for my future son, should I ever be able to find a woman who will have me after this atrocity is published.   I knew I should have used a pen name.  If I have a daughter, it’s also devoted to her, although sorry, most of the shit in here is probably more of a guy read.  You might be able to take an interesting perspective home from it, though.  I guess I’ll leave her education up to her mom.  And then, who knows where we’ll be at as a species by the time my kids hit puberty.  I’m sure we’ll have a lot of changes in technology, but it seems to me that the battle between the sexes will always be a point of controversy, where more education/experience is needed.

See, you are going to go through a lot of shit.  Sometimes, you will wake up and think, Oh my god, How the fuck is this my real life?  That’s fine.  This book is supposed to comfort you in that you will know that yea, your daddy sowed some wild oats back in the day.  You are fine as long as you don’t break the two Golden Rules: 1) Don’t get anyone (or get) pregnant, and 2) Don’t get HIV or herpes.

I will end the introduction with a short anecdote that illustrates just how ridiculously naïve I used to be.  Son, I remember when I was 18 I asked my friend Jed the following.  I am quoting verbatim: “Hey man, so do you believe that every person has just one partner who they are meant to be with?”

Jed, whose dad had been divorced, probably viewed the world a bit differently then my naïve ass did at that point in time.  He was nice though, and responded vanilla-ly that no, he didn’t think that every person in the world had just one partner, or soulmate if you will, with whom they were destined to be.  Looking back, my reaction to that question is: I actually, sincerely, asked that? How naïve can an 18 year old be?

See, son, there are some things that they don’t teach you in school. What you are about to learn in this book are a few of those things.  Hey, it might not be much, and I might just be a crazy man rambling, but this is sincere: this is how I saw the world from age 23-25.  If you get nothing else out of it, at least maybe you’ll take the fact that yea, your dad went through some shit too, before he met your mother.

This work is dedicated to two people:

1) My mom, who taught me that sex was beautiful, and

2) My future son, that he not be so ashamed of his maleness

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